AM: Wednesday – 300 days

300 days sober! As I write the number “300” Im still like “gosh that’s me… I am 300 days sober! How on earth did that happen!”
I never thought I would be able to go a day without wine and I didn’t at first, then on the 6.4.17 I woke up and thought, right let’s do this (well to be honest I had woken up with the same thought every day and at 6pm the thought of not drinking would be far scarier than the thoughts of what happens if I do have a drink! And so the cycle would start.. The cycle that I had been on for almost 20 plus years! leave work, go to shop, buy 2 bottles of wine, get home and consume. (1 bottle in fridge and one hidden out of the way so I could fill my glass from the hidden bottle whilst the 1 in fridge goes down slowly, looks like your only drinking 1 bottle, right?.. wake at 3am hot sweaty and guilty never to drink again) so how would it be different! How could I ever give up, what is the secret?
It’s was me. I drove past the shop on the first day and as I went by I shouted at the top of my voice f&*k you wine f&*k you! Got in and felt like shit and wanted to go back out but i didn’t.

That was day 1.
I made changes, hung on in there, ate cake, lots of cake! felt happy, felt angry, cried angry tears, felt cheated, felt euphoria!
It wasn’t easy but it was easy!
And now I don’t feel confused, I’ve stopped feeling cheated, I’ve stopped feeling grief for the loss of wine in my life. Now I am so grateful for 300 days I want to keep them and never lose them, hang on to them like a best friend.
I joined a 6 week online course @thesoberschool founded by Kate Bee. The course was awesome, informative and helpful. With a community Facebook group for support when the course ended which means I never feel isolated or alone in my quest for living sober.

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