AM: Tuesday – Day 510

I am still rocking my new AF life. 510 days sober (I don’t think I will ever stop feeling in awe of those numbers). Did I do that.. Really.. Really really.. Well. Yep I did.

Day 1 seems a long way off but the days before day 1 are there in my mind like bad reminders. Sitting here now I can honestly say that mostly (99%) of the cravings have gone and the 1% when I get one it’s different to how it was in the beginning. Its duller, more like a sad goodbye.

So anyway, day 510. What can I say about being AF after all this time (nearly 17 months.

Being AF has changed my life. Of course I can’t sit here and say wow its changed my life… I have a better job.. , bigger house.. , more friends.. and the figure of a super model lol!… No No.. it has changed my life by making me feel that I am free and not a prisoner. My life doesn’t revolve around when, where and how much can I drink. Its just about living now and accepting and noticing and sorting out daily problems instead of necking 2 bottles of wine hoping they would float off with the fumes.

I have alopecia on the back of my head near the neck! Not sure why, maybe stress, I am convinced it’s too much chocolate (a nasty little habit since giving up wine) so I will have to cut this out. Being AF means I can accept and sort this out rationally in my mind without trying to drink away how I feel about it.

My tinnitus used to seem louder the more I drank. I still have it and its noisy but my blood pressure is so much better now that its at a more constant level. Again I can accept and live with it far easier sober.

I have the worst back ache and have had it for years. But not drinking means I don’t end up slumped in the bed and wake up in terrible positions making it worse. No hammering chest or hot sweats either.

I still struggle making the effort to go out but I go out and enjoy it.

I am still slimming along with thousands of others lol.

My cats wake me up and make me tired onky to nod off themselves for the rest of the day while I am at work.

I wake up sometimes feeling like I have a hangover and I haven’t had a drink!

But all of the above would be there whether I drink or not. What you get from not drinking cannot be bought because its a feeling (those things that got lost after drinking)

Its the feeling inside of me.

Feelings of gratitude which seem to make me feel warm and secure knowing that my life is now calm.

If I go out I know now I won’t be coming home in a mess and I will wake up rested without feelings of guilt.

I genuinely enjoy being part of this new group of women (it’s vast and growing) who have found that being sober is the new black.

For now I will keep going.. Just keep going and never give up.

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