AM Thu: day 567 (81 weeks)

I can not believe that I am now writing day 567 (81 weeks).

81 weeks ago today my life changed. I stopped drinking alcohol.

On that day.. Day 1.. I must admit I didn’t actually believe that I was ever going to be writing day 567! I had written in various diaries throughout the years “day 1” and then a month later “day 1” and again and again, usually around birthdays, Xmas, holidays, embarrassing parties, too much on a night before work, almost like a deep cleanse. Saying day 1 would cleanse me of my guilty thoughts! But it suddenly became far too frequent, suddenly from no where I was saying day 1 everyday!

So why was this day any different!

Well I was actually on day 3 of a course to give up drinking and I was still drinking. You know the story just one drink won’t hurt, no one will know, I’ll stop tomorrow. But I had paid for a course to help me stop drinking and was still trying to wing it! How could I take part properly if I was drinking. Why couldn’t I just stop and give it a go!

I emailed Kate who ran the course at http://www.thesoberschool.com and she encouraged me to try and get 1 day under my belt and think about why I was doing this, and to tell my fellow class mates! Not what they were expecting to hear I’m sure! A failure on day 3! But suddenly admitting to others made me feel more accountable for my actions.

So I embarked on this journey and what a journey. I’m pleased I started this journal and recorded how I felt on this journey, the pain of day/week/month 1 has faded overtime and its a great reminder looking back as to how much I have achieved.

Has it been worth it. Yes! But I haven’t always felt like that for the first 6 months I was angry inside that I couldn’t drink, couldn’t moderate.. Moderation is definitely a myth! Biggest chuffing lie on the planet that is! So don’t go there. If you’ve given up, give up for good.

I can honestly tell you now that the single biggest and best decision of my whole entire life was to stop drinking alcohol.

I don’t even feel like I should write 567 days AF right now it feels like 567 days happy!

Happy in myself.

Life will always throw curve balls but these happen with or without alcohol. Alcohol doesn’t/can’t change any of this.

But actually being happy with myself now that is something that I had been searching for my whole life for believing that I would somehow find it after the next glass of wine.. ok the next, no must be the next one then, oh ok it will be after the next one.. Nope! It’s not there! Must be me then a failure coz I can’t find it! If only my future self could have shouted back to me… You won’t find it in the bottom of a glass.. silly, because it’s not there in the wine section and never will be there! It’s in the section marked life.. And you need to get on and choose life.